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[25 Apr 2005|06:14pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]


Alejandra is Ajedrez who is Barillo's daughter.

She was the one who betrayed Sands. It was she who took his eyes.

I want her to die.

She is tied to a wooden chair in the basement. We go down there and feed her. We do not unties her.

I want nothing to do with her.

I want her to die. I want to watch Sands kill her slowly. I want to scratch her eyes out. I shouldn't but I do.

Fideo's been shot. Not fatally, but bad enough. Lorenzo is beside himself in worry. Only Lorenzo, Jorge and I haven't been hurt.

I feel better. I've been talking to El and it makes me feel better. I make them special meals that make up for the fact he and Sands aren't allowed tequila.

Sands wants coffee to focus. He can get up and walk around the room on his own, but needs a nap afterards. He's memorised the layout of the room and can tell the pills from each other.

El wants to stop taking the medicine, but Jorge won't let him. Sands doesn't know and doesn't care. He's content to ask for morphine when the pain is bad.

Something has changed between them too. El seems permanetly worried about Sands, even when the gringo is curled up and sleeping peacefully beside him. I catch him listening carefully each time Sands takes his medicine and touching Sands when he's sleeping like Sands is fine glass that has nearly broken.

The phone rings and I answer it. There is a strong, male voice on the other end and he asks to speak to Jorge. I give it to Jorge and start making a cake. He comes in, looking worried and tense. He tells me that it is the CIA and they wish to speak to him. He can't deny them so they have an appointment. I feel worried. He tells me to tell Sands, but not to worry him.

I don't want to...but I have to.

I make the journey upstairs and tell them that. Sands sits there with a stunned mullet expression, then shrugs.

"I wondered when they'd get their arse into gear."

32 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[20 Mar 2005|01:31pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

My eyes remained shut, but the sounds of movements are clear. The light is on in the kitchen. There are the sound of voices, soft and urgent. One is almost certainly a woman, but who? It must be Fideo, coming back from the bar with someone he "rescued".

I check on Lucas, he is still sleeping soundly, snoring slightly. I heard the sound of Jorge's voice. If he was up, then there be nothing to worry about. I rolled over and closed my eyes.

The clock read 9:30am.I sighed and stretched in the bed. Lucas was still asleep. Lucky kids, they can sleep in. I made the bedd quietly, tucking in the corners and all the rest. I looked through the wardrobe and found my clothes for the day. I went into the bathroom, washed and changed (no need to scar Lucas should he waken). My hair was getting long again fast. It was already just above my shoulders. I brushed it savagely, then put on the locket that El had given me a long time ago, Marquez had taken and El taken back and returned it to me.

I checked on Lucas and went downstairs. Last night, Jorge had told me that today was the day Sands could start to eat solids again. I hoped that he would be able to convince El to eat more of his breakfast, especially if it was a breakfast that both could enjoy. The kitchen stank of booze and gunpowder, but I ignored it. Living with El, and occasionally talking to Fideo has left me with somewhat a strong stomach. I made El strawberry pancakes and strawberry smoothie and Sands chocolate pancakes and iced tea. I knew it wasn't very healthy, but he should eat something that he enjoyed and hopefully, would keep him happy.

As I turned the pancake over and went to get the milk for El's smoothie, I saw a woman leaning against the bench. "I hope I get some of those pancakes you're making, sugar." She drawled at me.

"Who the hell are you?"

4 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[26 Jan 2005|06:43pm]
I don't know what to do.

I feel guilty. I don't know anything anymore.

I don't speak. I want to drink.

El's stopped calling his Carolina now. Come to think of it, he doesn't say a lot to me.

I guess that's how the shit hits the fan then.

Dios. I want a drink. Stupid Fideo, hiding them before he went out.

*blinks* He probably took them with him...

I don't think El knows what happened. I don't know if anyone knows who it was with Sands. But I do. I should tell him. He deserves to know.


I listened to them, putting the drops in, drops that sounded like they were made from the tears of God because they could provide miracles. Lucas, the little boy who shares my room, was there, and chattered excitedly to Sands.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still selling gum? La Roca - " he calls El La Roca or The Rock " - is a big fan of gum. No, I don't want any!"

The kid laughs and chatters again, sounding bright. El is silent. I enter and smile.

"Now, Sands, he has not propositioned me once to buy gum..."

El jumps at the sound of my voice, but I smile. I am nervous. I need to talk to him. For as long as I have known El, I am still scared of him. Maybe I shouldn't tell him everything, but just fill him in a little bit.

"Yeah, well, you have not known this kid as well as I do. Believe me, he is a perisitent little bugger..." He turns to the kid. "Aren't you?"

I laugh as Lucas agrees brightly and I sit down next to El, and take his hand. I know he hates strangers, especially those who cozy up to his Sands. I take his hand with my left hand and squeeze it gently. "All chicle boys are. One convinced me to part with my bus money. Lucky I didn't want to take the bus then."

"Course they are! How else would they earn their money? What, do you expect CIA agents not to be sneaky and sadistic?" I blink at Sands and he goes back to teasing Lucas unmercifully. El is still and silent, like the rock Sands has named him.

Dios. I need an opening...

"And how are you, La Roca?"
25 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[28 Nov 2004|04:45pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

The boy keeps asking about 'El Senor'. I don't know what to say. I haven't had any time to talk to Sands about him, its all been about helping him or El. No chats.

Which I suppose is a good thing. Since it was I who caused him to be hurt so.

*sighs heavily*

8 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[16 Nov 2004|06:32pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

I am alone. The sounds of my fellow guests and our host are faint. I hold a pair of sharp scissors in my hands.

Iago, the man I married, the man I thought I loved, was the son of the doctor that took Sands' eyes. He has been out to get Sands for so long, and El, and I married him. I married the fucker, gave him my body, my hand in wedlock and my heart.

I might as well have been his accompliance, I betrayed El and Sands and all my friends.

I take a lock of hair.


It falls to the ground. It is followed by another and another until my hair is closely cropped to the skull and my hair is a tangled mass.

I pick it up and throw it in the bin.

I am dirty.



13 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[16 Oct 2004|03:07pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

Sands was crying again.

Hitched breath, blood and water on his face. He could have been a pagan sacrifice. He should have been a saint.

I walked in and took him in my arms. He immediately burrowed into me, head resting on my breasts. His body was stiff with bandages, but he was stubborn and made himself as comfortable as he darn well liked in my lap.

"El talked to me."

I smiled sadly, dropping my hands to hold him close. "What did he say?"

"Promesa." Sands' nose twitched and then, The jumped up onto the bed and onto Sands (and mine) lap, purring contently. His hand went down to stroke the ball of fluff with a small smile.

I rested my head on his shoulder. "It'll be OK. He'll talk again."

Sands shrugged and let the gatito lick his fingers. "Maybe." He tilted his head back so I could see every line of stress and worry carved on his face. "Its too quiet...I'm going insane."

I nodded against his shoulder. "I wish I could help you. Jorge can't cook for shit and Fideo has hit the bottle hard now that Lorenzo let down his guard. I can't even leave on a CD for you. Its broken."

Sands brightened up at the mention. "Its not. Give it to me and my CDs." He waited until I settled him on the bed and he got the CD player and CDs. "Its tempermental." He hit it hard, fighting down a scream. He swallowed hard. "Like me." The lid sprang open and he deftly changed CDs.

El was stirring and he opened his eyes blindly as Sands pressed play, then hit it again. A strong, male voice started to sing...

I have been blind, unwilling to see
The true love you're giving.
I have ignored every blessing.
I'm on my knees confessing

That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

I have been wrong about you.
Thought I was strong without you.
For so long nothing could move me.
For so long nothing could change me.
Now I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am captured by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.

You are the air that I breath.
You're the ground beneath my feet.
When did I stop believing?

Cause I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession.
Hear my confession

17 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

Rescue... [07 Oct 2004|06:49pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

When I was young, I used to dream of doing all the things a little girl dreams of. Dating, getting married, wearing make up and dressing in pretty clothes.

It was all I wanted.

I never got it. I mean, sure, there were times when I thought I had it, but they were always too fleeting for me to truly understand them. They would come up on me, unexpected and I would lose them to the mists of time once again.

When I had left El, I went and tried to be on my own again. Worked in a bakery in a small town, smiled and bore the job well, kept saving up to buy my own house and eventually my own bookshop and stop running around.

I went out on dates, smiled and tried to be interested, but they were all so...boring. So normal. I had nothing to tell them about my past. "I used to work for cartels, then I went and hung around with El Mariachi for awhile. We were going to be married, but then, it didn't work out."

I tried to save, but I had the rent to pay and I had to eat. I made a few friends and sometimes, they would take me out to a party and I would have to pay for my meal and drinks. I had enough to buy a small cottage when a certain mythic guitar fighter "wandered" into town. Everyone was frightened of him and well, the self-appointed leader insisted that everyone go about their daily business and not to hinder him.

The nearest town is a two hour drive, and even longer when walking, so the 'gunslinger' decided to go into the bakery. I had tried to work in the back, but they said I had to man the front. Long story short, El cost me my job and I had to leave town and I kissed goodbye to my 'normal' life.

I try to have a normal life, I really do. But what can I do? My friends are mostly guitar-carrying gunslingers and the other? An eyeless man.

I checked on El before I left to go for that job interview. I should have spent more time with him, talked about anything, everything, just so he knew he wasn't alone. But I was already running late. I hate job interviews. For men, they just throw on a suit, but for women, that's too slutty, god I look I nun in that one, that's too casual, now that's too formal...

It just goes on.

Not just clothing decisions, life. I can remember sitting with Sands and El, just eating ice cream and bitching about how El never eats...well, at least, not when we can see him. But now that's gone. El isn't talking and Sands...Sands is god knows where.

I remember reading a book about the World Wars and Australia or something and there was one quote that stood out: "Life to be sure, is nothing much to lose." I guess it would be during war and revolution and sacrificing yourself for whatever greater good you believed in, but what about your loved ones? What about their grief?

I think I am too worked up...


They said they'd 'call me', obviously what they tell everyone. I don't want to be everyone; I just want to be me, Carolina.

I walked back, too annoyed and broke to bother with the bus, so I attracted the tourist sellers like flies. Of course, the bubble gum boys were in their highest numbers ever. I took the opportunity to ask about Sands.

One boy, he looked up at me and said "No money, no talk." I guess I was lucky I didn't catch the bus.

Pocketing the money, he pointed at the park. "He was sitting on that bench. He was alone." He shrugged. "I tried to talk to him, but he just ignored me. I went away and two men came up to him. They were cartel. One went around the back of the bench and put a knife to his throat while the other...the other put his gun inside his eyehole. He didn't fight them and they led him away."

"Which way did they take him?" I was desperate. Sands had been stolen away from El.

"Towards the city outskirts."


Boredom is not really something I'm good at and neither is negotiating. I left Fideo, Lori and Jorge arguing over Sands and went to spend some time with El. He was sleeping, so I sat next to him, holding his hand

The mewed at me. He must have been hungry and missing Sands. I sighed and looked over at the cat food bowl. Jorge told me that the company of a pet - especially Sands' - might help El return to us, so I fed the gatito and sat next to El, holding his hand.

I brought mi Mariachi up a treat. He likes everything strawberry but he can only have liquids so its strawberry flavored ice. I don't want him to feel like he's losing me. He's my big brother, I would never leave him. I wish he could have been there on my wedding, to be with me. I feel that wedding is one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I don't know Iago, not as much as I know El.

I looked up as The, finished his meal and cleaning, leapt up onto the bed and cuddled up to El's neck. I smiled and looked up as the door opened.

"Carolina." Fideo stood there, reeking faintly of cheap tequila. "We decided to search for Sands. Ramirez knows of a place that Barillo and Guevera used. I get to look after Mr. Silent here."


The place smelt of blood and piss.

Jars of pickled objects were stacked on the shelves, labeled with initials and numbers. In the centre of the room, there was a metal operating table with leather straps for the hands and legs.

I looked at Jorge and Lorenzo. "You two stay here. I'll go in further."

Lorenzo nodded carefully. "We'll check this out."

Jorge looked uncertain and grabbed my arm. "Are you sure? They are not amateurs. They are real cartel men."

I looked at him. "Don't you remember the stories?"

He blinked, confused. "What stories?"

Lorenzo played with his guns. "When she and El were together, they'd take on small groups of the cartel." He began to load each of his guns. "When he'd run out of ammo, she'd take over."

I shook his hand, leaving him dumbfounded and Lorenzo checking out the room. I twisted the knob, cursing it for squeaking in protest. Looking back, I didn't know what I expected. I guess Sands with cartel was the only thing I really thought of.

What I found was definitely unexpected.

Sands was naked and covered in blood. His arms were shackled to the legs of a metal chair and spread like a cheap slut. His face was strangely blank, like the calm before a storm. I looked away, unable to watch him suffer in stillness. It was then I saw him.

Iago stood there, stroking his erection poking out from his unzipped slacks. He liked to masturbate himself before sex and got me to follow his trend once, but it wasn't all that. He began to walk towards to Sands.

Sands started and tried to close his legs. Iago laughed and tapped the chains that pinned him still. "I don't why you are doing that, pretty blind bitch, but I can tell you have nothing to be ashamed of."

I had to do something. Screaming was optional, but I could hold my own.


He turned around, fright paling his tan until it was a sickly green color. "Carolina." He let go of his erection and pulled his gun, pointing it at Sands' head. "Don't you dare fight me, bitch, or else I'll scatter his blood and brains in this room."

I held up my hands. There was nothing else to do. Sands couldn't die by his hands. "What do you want?"

Iago smiled and held out his spare hand. "Come over here. Come on, I won't kill you. You were such a good fuck." My flesh crawled, but I did it. Dios, how could I have been so blind? "Good slut. Take my hand." I took it, shame-burning face.

Sands' face was blank amongst the bruises and blood. I felt a sick twinge when I noticed fresh blood frozen on his cheeks. Dios, what had Iago done?

His hand wrapped around my wrist so tightly I felt the skin start to bruise. "You were not involved in the mess of the Day of the Dead. My father, he was only an innocent doctor..."

Sands started, understanding creeping across his face.

"...and I started to seek revenge for my loss and the losses others had faced thanks to this," He kicked Sands hard in the ribs and there was the crunching of bone, but Sands' expression did not change, "blind slut and his boyfriend."

I looked down at Sands, he twisted his lips and gave me a small nod, and then he spoke. "For you information, fuckmook, I am not slut and I think you should remember that your father tortured hundreds!" His voice crackled and he rested his head on his arms.

Iago's face tightened and jerked me down onto my knees, not letting his aim waver. "I think, Agente Arenas, you need a reminder." He turned to me, his face apologetic. "Suck me, slut."


He smiled sadly. "If I hurt him too much, he might scream." He moved closer and closer to me until his erection hit me in the face. "Suck me, bitch, or else I'll blow his head off."

I looked at Sands, then gently held his penis in one hand while I tried to compose myself. He let out a moan and I took his erection in my mouth, hearing his moans getting louder and louder. He removed his hand from my arm and used it to grab a clump of my hair.

I took his penis in my hand again, teasing his balls. The gun-hand dropped, then I yanked on his penis, hearing the bone crunch. He let out a yell and the gun went off. I threw myself on Sands, not letting Iago shoot him. I let out a scream as a bullet plowed through my shoulder.

The door burst open, Lorenzo and Jorge - hearing the commotion - ran into the room, guns drawn. Iago himself was curled in a little ball, cradling his bits, the gun beside him. Lorenzo threw his arm out to keep Iago on his radar.

Jorge came over and squatted next to us. "How bad is it?"

I stroked Sands' hair with my hand. "Very bad."

"The key. He has the key. Get it." Sands chanted at Jorge, not dislodging my hand. He turned his head painfully to look at me. "El?"

"At home. He's been worried sick about you." I crawled off him, still stroking his blood and sweat soaked hair.

Jorge came back and knelt down beside me, undoing the shackles that bound Sands to this prison. "This is the place they took his eyes," He whispered into my ear.

I nodded and took Sands into my arms. "Later." I looked around, trying to find anything to cover his nakedness. His clothes were in shreds.

"Please...let me go..." Iago was half-kneeling, half-collapsed, hands raised up next to his head. "I have money...I can make it worth your while!"

Lorenzo snarled at him, finger tightening on the trigger. "Fuck you and your money. I would never betray a friend for slime like you." The gun exploded, sending a pellet into Iago's right hand.

Iago dropped down and Sands tightened his grip on me, hands trying to clench close, but refusing. "Jorge, find me a blanket. We can't take him home naked."

Moments passed and I became aware that Sands was muttering to himself.

Bang bang he shot me down
Bang bang I hit the ground
Bang bang that awful sound
Bang bang my baby shot me down.

I held him close, ignoring the pain slowly spreading from my shoulder. He needed to focus on something else and I began to sing to him.

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

He started, but settled down again, regaining control of one hand, which tightened into a fist.

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

Jorge knelt down beside us and draped a thick, pale blue blanket over Sands. He winced, but cuddled close under its weight.

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the mornings light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now

Lorenzo had gathered the shred of clothes, weapons and shackles off the floor. He tilted Sands head back and tied a piece of clean and soft linen around Sands' head, hiding his eyeholes.

Sands buried his face back into me and I sent Lori a smile of gratitude.

I stood up, letting Jorge steady me and followed them out to the truck. I glanced back at Iago, he gave me a twisted grin so I turned back to focus on Sands.

Guilt welled up inside of me, but I pushed it away. Sands and El needed me now.

Sitting in the truck, holding Sands close, I finished the song when the engine started and he let out a moan of distress.

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

Que Quieres En La Vida?

[04 Oct 2004|05:41pm]
[ mood | worried ]

I sat at the kitchen table, going through the paper, looking for work. I have signed over the cheque Iago gave me for our wedding to Jorge for operating on El, feeding and housing us and looking after me after El yelled at me. So, I am pretty much flat broke.

Hmm...Sales assistant needed urgently. Butacas Culican Shop. Good pay, part time, ring on 495915555 or apply in person at shop.. Circled with red pen. Fast food chick required desperately! Must be goodlooking and quick on her feet! Ring... El would give birth to a litter of kittens before he'd let be apply there. Circled.

Turned the page, advertisements for labourers and "chicken catchers". No circles. Hmm...porn spreads. Now, that would be pushing the edge. Fun. Both El and Iago would be pissed. Fun. No circles.

"Carolina?" I looked up at Jorge, standing, looking more worried than I ever had seen him before. "El's locked himself in his room."


The door was locked. It was tall and imposing next to the tapestry of the Shotgun Messenger by George Yepes. Lorenzo looked at it for a moment, siezing it up.

"I can ram it down, no problem."

Uh, I think Jorge would object quite strongly to his house being torn to shreds, Lori.

Fideo, smelling quite strongly of booze, grabbed his shoulder. "Lori, El might be really close to it and if you force it it could crush him." A pause. "And I don't think Sands would be very happy about that. He is already pissed about Scorpio."

Lorenzo kicked at the door with a glare, then turned around. "I don't know any other way."

Fideo looked at Jorge. "Any ideas?" He then turned to me and shrugged.

There was a window...I had opened it for Sands. He said the room was stuffy. "I could climb through the window."

Jorge shook his head firmly. "No. Its too high and dangerous." He looked at me as though I was crazy. "Its two stories high."

I rolled my eyes. "I have climbed up and down higher buildings, and much more dangerous." Goddamit, you get married and you lose your edge.

Jorge shrugged and studied the door, opening his mouth to speak. Moco, who had apparently learnt how to walk over the week - or so Jorge said - barked. It was unusual for him to do so. He never barked. Jorge turned around to lecture him for barking when he nudged at the tapestry.

Jorge pulled it up, while Fideo tried - and failed - to grab Moco and shut him up. I gasped. A little door was set in the wall.

"Of course..." Jorge muttered. "I had forgotten." He saw us all watching him and jumped. "When I was in my youth, the cartels were much more dangerous. They made attacks frequently. My parents made this little passage into my - the Mariachi's - room so I could escape."

Fideo gave it at sleepy look. "So...it would be small?"

Jorge looked directly at me. "Only Carolina would be able to fit in there."

Lorenzo rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath. Jorge gave him a sharp look and urged me closer. "It'll be dusty, I haven't seen used in goodness knows how many years." Fideo dranked from his flask. "If its too small or the passage collapses, call out. We'll get you out somehow."

"Can the door be opened from inside?" I have claustrophobia. I can't stand small, confined places. To be trapped in there would be hell.

"Of course."




Great clouds of it. A spider crawled over my hand and I had to swallow hard to keep myself from screaming. Faint barking and...meowing?

Of course! Sands' kitten! He had ran under the bed and I hadn't been able to get him out. Another spider, oh well, the mewing was getting closer. I was near the end. I coughed hard as a huge cloud of dust swam into my face. Dios.

Scratching? Rats? Oh shit. Wait...it was against...wood?


It was The! I rested, trying to get anything other than dust in my lungs, then started to fumble with the latch. It was rusty and stubborn. The mews had stopped and I was sure I had frightened The away.

A final click and I fell out onto the floor. I think Jorge should be glad he never had much use of it. It hurt.

I crawled to my feet, hearing purring. The was sitting on El's chest, licking his cheek. I was there in about a second, stroking his cheek.

"El, come on." He groaned and I pressed a hand to his forehead. He was burning. I glanced down, blood was soaking the bandages!

"C-Carolina?" I felt his hand gently moving from the ground to my hand. "Help me."

I nodded and looked up at the door. The dark buerau was pressed against. I got up and he let out a low whimper. "I'll be back. Promise."

I shoved and shoved at that stupid thing and at last got it away from the door. I practically pulled the door off its hinges and gestured for Jorge to come and see El immediately.

He cut the bandage away from the skin and looked at me. "He'll be fine with bed rest."


I held The to my chest, while writing out my details. The tiny little thing kept licking my cheek. He knew I was upset. Moco was giving it suspcious looks and sniffing at my feet.

Lorenzo dropped heavily onto his seat. "Has Ramirez come out yet?"

"No, but Jorge will look after him."

Lorenzo looked around for a moment, then grabbed the paper I was looking through. "Sands is not back yet."

"No. He just needs time to think. He'll be back." Especially while his little kitten was pressed against me and not him.

"I'm beginning to think we should go after him."

"'We'?" I looked up at him. "You hate him."

"I don't! Why does everyone think that?" He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and opened it.

"One, you two always fight. Two, you flirt with El. Three, Sands has been known to go into a sulk just because he knows he'll have to deal with you."

He shrugged. "Anyway, I think we should look for him." He took a sip and made a funny face at the taste. "For El. He'll be so much better having Sands with him."

"I know. I am starting to feel that something happened to Sands."

Que Quieres En La Vida?

[24 Sep 2004|08:48pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I knew we were leaving again. I knew once again, we would be forced to give up our lives because of the cartels. I couldn't leave them. They were my family, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Iago. I went into town and rang him from the TelMex. I told him I would try to be in contact with him, but he demanded that I met him in the church.

I left early in the morning. Sands knew. He is CIA, and knows so much. He said he wouldn't tell anyone and I was very grateful for it.

I arrived, very casuallyCollapse ) dressed. The church was set upCollapse ) and Iago was in a tuxedo.

"What is this? Is there going to be a wedding?" I asked Iago, kissing his cheek.

He nodded gravely. "Yes." He paused. "Ours."

I cried out. "Iago! I don't know you much yet!"

"We are meant to be together, my darling."

I shook my head. "I don't know that. I barely know you."

Iago grabbed my arm. "Listen to me, my darling. Tomorrow, you are going to leave my life. I need this reassurance."

"I will come back to you. We can talk about marriage then."

"I love you, my darling. I want us to be together." He pulled me close, stroking my hair.

"We will."

"I need to know. I need to have this." He looked pleadingly at me. "I have given you everything you could want. You told me that you had nothing to give back in return, but you do." He kissed me gently. "Your hand in marriage."


Iago shushed me with a gentle finger. "Please do this. For me."


He grinned. "Alright! Let's get married." He ran over to the door, and pulled it open, calling. "Ines!"

A tall, pale blonde stepped out, dressed in a rose colored gownCollapse ). She smiled, "You have made Iago very happy. Come, I will help you dress."

She pulled him into a little booth, and somehow, had me in my underwear while she dressed me in an immaculate whiteCollapse ) That fitted me perfectly. I as astounded by its beauty, and she made my hair into a bun, which I had never been able to do and carefully fitted a vielCollapse )over me.

"For extra height." She whispered, sliding my feet out from my sandals and dressing them in Cinderella shoesCollapse ). She smiled up at me. "I'm going to be your bridemaid. Iago wanted to do it properly and with your 'family', but it is too rushed."

She handed me a banquet of flowersCollapse ) and took her own much smaller bunch. "Come."


The wedding was a blurr. I can't remember much of the vows, but I remember the ringsCollapse ).Mine is still on my finger now.

Ines and the groomsman disappeared, giggling into the confessional booth and the sounds of moans and soft cries soons meets my ears. Iago grinned, and then pulled me into the booth where I dressed. Ines had backed my clothes into a little bag and almost as soon as the door is shut, Iago pulls the viel off and placed it in the bag. He pulls my hair down, and presses me into the door, kissing down my neck.

Cut for the sensitiveCollapse )

"No! I don't have time!"

He stepped back, taking me seriously. "Alright." He turned away, letting me gather myself. "Here." He passed me a cell phone and a folded paper. "My number is programed in." He gestured at the paper. "Your wedding gift." He kissed me softly. "Come back."


"Who's the bride?"

Sands' voiced was loud and I looked down at myself. I was still dressed in the wedding gown. It was little wonder I hd got strange looks on the way back. I sighed and pushed the door open.

52 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[14 Sep 2004|07:58pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

It was my turn to sit with Sands and watch - guard - over El.

Lorenzo had been no good at looking after Sands. He was too concerned with El and Sands was merely a piece of furniture that was occasionally in the way and rarely snapped at him. Fideo was alright, but he drank too much and didn't understand why his drinking partner was out of it so much.

Me, I was not very good.

I could not be El. El was the only person Sands needed. I mean, Fideo and I were close to him, but we were not El. We were not what Sands lived and breathed for. El was and El was not there.

Sands was alone.

I remember the car ride. He was so pale, he was el calvo. He was silent. Death-like, the only way I knew he was alive was the slight rise and fall of his chest and the quiet breathing that I had to strain to hear. A car swerved in front of me and I had slammed down on the breaks. Sands hit the dashboard with a terrible thud, but he didn't react. I pulled him back next to me, and slung an arm over him. He was shaking, but still, he did not react.

Sands coughed drily beside me and I gently rubbed his back, seeking to soothe him.

"Wake up."

Two words, quiet.

"Wake up."


"Wake up!"

Desperation started to creep in his voice.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake the fuck up, El!"

He was on his feet, shouting, screaming. Spittle was flying. I leapt to my feet and grasped his arms, trying to calm him. Dios. He was loco. I did not know how to deal, so I started to murmur comforting phrases, jumbled up and nothing to his distressed ears.

But they must had some effect because he collapsed in my arms. I did not have to fight it. He has not eaten since he heard, not even when Padre Josef pressed him with squashed vegetable mush and soups. We sank to the floor, Sands clinging to me as if I was El. I could only hold him.

I heard the door slamming open behind us and exclaimtations from Lori and Fideo, but the only thing that matter was Sands. He was crying again, blood covering itself again.


El. Quiet and weak, but still there.

Sands pulled himself up, looking paler. "E-El?"


Sands fell, hands reaching for El, but he was gone. He had fainted.

Que Quieres En La Vida?

[12 Sep 2004|07:23pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Sands has been so pale. He has barely eaten and is stick thin. I worry about him. He cries so often, and he always bleeds. He looks like he did on the Day of the Dead.

He never talks. Not to me, not to Lorenzo, Padre or Fideo. Just to El. He tells El to wake up.

He spoke to Lorenzo today, when he tried to stop him from slapping El, but he fell silent when El passed out again.

I worry about him. He is going to die if we are not careful.

Que Quieres En La Vida?

[05 Sep 2004|06:45pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Sands paled. "What about El?"

I sighed, holding the cell losely at my side. "He was shot."

Sands seemed to crumble. The knife, held in one hand, fell to the ground, missing his foot by a quarter of an inch. He fell to his knees. I dropped the cell and ran forward, catching him before he slumped foreward.

"Shh...he'll be OK. Fideo's sure of it." I didn't think Fideo was, but I had to comfort him some how. The smell of burning flesh met me and I hastily put out the fire. The bodies could wait. Sands couldn't tend to them, I hated touching them and he needed all my attention. "Come on. We're going to see El now."

"I can't..." The tiniest whisper escaped his lips and he pitched forward.

"I know." I held him close. There was one thing for it. He was too much in shock to control himself. If he lost El...No, I didn't want to think about it. I lifted him up. He hardly ever eats, not since his blinding and he is so slim. I carried him out to bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit.

I buckled him in quickly, but he did not want to stay put. He did not fight it, but he was so limp. I found some blankets in the back seat and wrapped them around him. Shock can kill.

He was so pale. He seemed to be a ghost and death combined. I had to get him to El's side, if only to say goodbye. If he lost El, he would have nothing left in life. He would kill himself, just to be able to be with El again. He would be so empty.

I threw the first aid kit at on the bench seat beside us, and took off.

Que Quieres En La Vida?

[24 Aug 2004|08:47pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

I ran down three stairs until I was in a position where I could see their approach, but they wouldn't see me untill it was too late.

I heard them shouting and cursing as they searched through the ground level. Then, I saw one of them, broad and bulky, begin to climb the stairs. I reached for a knife, never once taking my eyes off his thick body, waiting for when he came into range.

He took a step and that was all I needed.

I threw the knife.

It buried itself in his head, and he ran at me, fury etching itself into his face as he tried to raise his rifle simulataneously. I kicked at him, and we fought, struggling for power. His hands grabbed at me as I yanked the knife out of his head and slit his throat with it.

There was a horrible gurgling sound and he collapsed at my feet. I winced as another four approached the staircase. I killed one outright, and another dropped down, but he might have still been alive. I couldn't gain an advantage to fight the other two. It was then that Sands appeared.

Dios. I'll never forget the image he present for as long as I live. Dressed all in black (as was his norm, dark sunglasses obscuring his face and guns holstered at his hips and shoulders, he appeared to be el calvo, Death itself.

One lifted his rifle, only meaning to let off a bullet or two, but his finger spasmed on the trigger and the air was thick with them. Sands ducked down, and one clipped him along the forehead. He fired back, killing the cartel thug with a single shot.

Then we were at an impass. Sands couldn't hear the last one to kill him, and I was at gunpoint, so I would have no part in his death, unless it included my own. Sands' head was cocked to one side, trying desperately to listen.

The cartel's cell phone rang.

Sands quickly fired two shots and the man was killed. I don't know who called him, but whoever it was, they had our lives. Maybe it was God on the Royal Telephone.

Sands threw his cell at me. I managed to catch it, maybe he could hear my heart thumping. Or he had ESP. "You ring Lorenzo. I'll get rid of them." The one who had fallen, but I wasn't sure if I had killed groaned. A strange expression crossed Sands' face. "Maybe I won't get rid of that one just yet."

I did not like the look of his face when he said that. He was going to torture the man for information, using what the CIA had taught him. I shuddered, but left, pushing in the numbers.

Que Quieres En La Vida?

*holds head* [21 Aug 2004|03:16pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I can't make up my mind. I don't want to marry so soon, but how can I tell Iago without hurting his feelings? What if thinks I am rejecting him, and breaks up with me?

I know you should get married because you want to be with that person forever, but I don't know. I don't know Iago well enough to know that I want him to be my forever, but I'm afraid is I say 'wait' then, he'll dump me and then I'll never know?


I-I think I will wait to see what El says when he meets him.

El! Iago said that he would like to meet you at Butacas, a block down from Tienda De la Guitarra. It is coffee shop and bookshop. *smiles*

48 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

Meme [21 Aug 2004|02:26pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

Trust Metric

My trust level is: 100%

LJ username:

Que Quieres En La Vida?

Date number two had some...interesting results [18 Aug 2004|09:46pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I wore thisCollapse ) dress with the shoes on the topCollapse ). Which is the most expensive and formal dress, except my wedding dress that I own and there is no way I am that desperate to wear a wedding dress to a date. *smiles*

I met Iago outside La Paloma Pura Del Vuelo. He gave me theseCollapse ) flowers and told me I looked beautiful.

We chatted over dinner. He told me that he is studying to be a doctor, but recieved his father's inheritance after he died. I told him a little about my friends and family. Omitting the legend stuff, of course. Then, over desert, he did something I did not suspect.

He proposed. Giving me the top ringCollapse )

He wants me to be Mrs. Carolina Siqueiros. His wife. I told him that I had to think about it. He told me that it was OK, but I should keep the ring. He knew that I wasn't a thief.

But I don't know if I want this. I mean, he would give me a comfortable existance and put an end to my money problems, but I don't know him. I barely know him. He'd make me move away when he got his degree.

And I think that I may be pregnant. I'm not sure, but I could be.

21 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[17 Aug 2004|05:44pm]
[ mood | content ]

So, I was working at Cuento Ideal, the bookshop when I work. It was a quiet day, I'd sold a bookmark to a young girl and a book on sex to a middle-aged balding man, when Iago walked in. He didn't see me at first and was looking at the "On Sale" books. 

He then looked up and came over, smiling. "I didn't know you worked here."

I laughed. "I have a day off a week, and I've worked here for two years, you've been unlucky. I didn't know you came here."

Iago laughed back. "Very unlucky. I would've spent my days here, in awe of your beauty." I blushed and he took the silence to remember what else I had said. "Oh, I come here once a week or so, and buy some books. I keep those I like and donate the rest to the library."

"You must be very rich. I'd love to have the money to do that."

Iago smiled. "Well, I'll go buy a stack and then we can talk."

I busied myself in arranging the bookmarks, and checking the cash register and details on the restocking form, while he randomly chose books off the shelf. He brought them to the register and I began to cash them. He spent over 100 pesos on books he was only going to read once! There were some horrible ones, Wilbur Smith (sex and violence god), ones on eye-gouging and torture, medical diaries, sex, the lot! I put them them in a bag.

Iago watched me carefully, eyes full of admiration. "You'd be great as a model. You'd earn a million and sell the clothes with just a look." I laughed at him. Me, a model? In the world where you have to be a stick with big tits to survive? No, no, gracias all the same. Iago looked hurt, then smiled. "I suppose you are like those women who are insecure in their beauty. Do you know the La Paloma Pura Del Vuelo?"

I thought about it. "The small, expensive resturant, across the road from Cine De oro, the cinema?" He nodded. "Yes, why?"

"Meet me there in your most beautiful dress, I have a table for us reserved." He turned to leave, smiling. "Oh, I have a present for you."

"What is it?"

"Una jerarquía asombrosa del amor para usted." He dropped a key down onto the counter. "And don't try to refuse it." [An amazing love next for you]

He smiled and left, the door slamming shut behind him. I took the key, with a smile. A date and an apartment.  

¡Bendecido de bendiciones! ¡Oh, alegría bendecida del amor verdadero!  [Blessed of blessings! Oh, blessed joy of true love!]

59 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[12 Aug 2004|07:12pm]
[ mood | horny ]

OK, I'm horny and have no one to take it out on.


Masturbation: a girl's new best friend

Should I post an entry about masturbation?

76 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

[08 Aug 2004|05:37pm]
OK, I went out on my date with Iago.

It was fun. He was charming and funny. He kept speaking of how wonderful I was. *blushes* And he paid for the entire meal.

He took me back to his house and made love to me.

I ended up wearing my 'dancing dress'. I found a picture very similar to it online, so I posted:

Read more...Collapse )

He told me that he wanted to take me out shopping and buy me beautiful clothes.

I tried to make a "doll" version of me online, but it didn't work. *pouts*
Que Quieres En La Vida?

[06 Aug 2004|05:39pm]
[ mood | loved ]

So, I ment the man again. His name is Iago

He flirted with me, and I flirted back.

And we have a date!

He is taking me to the La Vaca Del Vuelo, the Flying Cow, for dinner. And I will wear my best dress.

¡Oh, amor bendecido!

35 libertad del deseo Que Quieres En La Vida?

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